just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
