I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
