his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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