I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it was like eating out sand paper
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
