well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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