Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
PANTIES FOUND
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
