dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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