just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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