Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
pop tarts are not kleenex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
