I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
