i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
