I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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