The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
