Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
