are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
