i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
