She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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