so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
