i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
