i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need a beard to bite.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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