there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
