Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
