Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize