When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
