if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
