Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
