ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
