This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
