i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize