I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
