after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
