At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
two words: eviction party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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