a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
