how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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