Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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