I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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