is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
