if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
