that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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