shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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