Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize