I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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