Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
