I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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