Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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