I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize