you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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