If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize