do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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