sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
