I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
