...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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