her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
