wat bout pragnant strippers??
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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