Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
