i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can't motorboat a personality
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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