She is in my trunk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
