you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
