he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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