stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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