Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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