OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
