I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
