Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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