He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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