i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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