Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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