Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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