Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
