You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize