He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
