Porn is love you can see.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
false alarm. still invincible.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
