I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
