btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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