Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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