Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
