also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
God, I missed his penis.
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