she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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