I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
