I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
