it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
