but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
