I am puke
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
