I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
