saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
