so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
