A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
