I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My penis needs a shock collar
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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