My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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