I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
