she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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