FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize