You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
