She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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