My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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