It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
