I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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