Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
