So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
