the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
