i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
