dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
