The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
