So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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