I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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