beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
