when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My vagina just clenched in fear
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
