Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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