I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
