What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
