I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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