I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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