Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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